Confession time: I ranted at someone that I know in the comments on a social media post today. I know, I know, trying to have an honest dialogue on social media is like spitting in the wind (gross), and I hardly ever engage, but I guess we all have our lines in the sand and today this person crossed over mine. In part because what they said was insensitive, but also in part because I know I have uttered similar insensitive words over the years.
Toxic positivity is “the PRESSURE (emphasis mine) to maintain a positive mindset, even in the face of difficult or negative emotions and experiences.”
Read that definition again. Doesn’t it sound exhausting? I am mostly optimistic, a peacemaker at heart, someone who is uncomfortable with grief, mine and others, and I do generally try to “look for the helpers” as Mr. Rogers puts it. Most of the time there is nothing wrong with this.
Positivity becomes toxic when it diminishes true feelings and difficult circumstances in favor of feeling pressured to put on a good front so others will think you are a good person, or in my case a good Christian person. I have tried this many times (especially as a pastor’s spouse). It doesn’t work. I have felt guilty when my faith doesn’t measure up to what others expect of me. I have felt like I wouldn’t be in so much pain if my faith were just a little bit stronger. I have felt that life would be easier if I just prayed more, read my bible more, studied more, listened better, etc.
Here is some unhelpful advice for troubled times. God won’t give you more than you can handle. (Um … wrong!)
This too shall pass. (And then it will come back, and then pass again, and then come back …) Everything happens for a reason. (Really? Does it?) “I can do all things through a verse taken out of context” (I am sooooo guilty of this one.)
As a Christian I believe that God sees our full human experience and I believe this because of the stories shared in scripture. The story of Job, the Psalms of lamenting, Ecclesiastes, Lamentations, the story of the crucifixion before the resurrection, and Paul’s letters all speak to the more painful side of humanity – doubt, anger, fear, revenge, hopelessness, desolation, and desperation.
But when we are ready, scripture is also there to remind us to have courage in the face of injustice, and that hope is a belief in things not yet seen, and that love is waiting for us patiently, and that faith is a process not a product.
It is ok if you are not ready. Protect your peace when you need to. Find ways to refresh your soul. Step back from the chaos. I read somewhere that we aren’t wired to process the 24 hour availability to the news that we have available to us. It is overwhelming our systems. We all need to step back to renew our spirit and find our focus and once we find our focus we can re-engage. My focus lately has been to encourage others toward mercy, justice, grace, and love. I don't always get it right.
I’m a work in progress.
This week's article is written by Becky Long who is the partner -- in ministry and in life of Pastor Don Long Jr., Wesley United Methodist Church.
