Confession time: I ranted at someone that I know in the comments on a social media post today. I know, I know, trying to have an honest dialogue on social media is like spitting in the wind (gross), and I hardly ever engage, but I guess we all have our lines in the sand and today this person crossed over mine. In part because what they said was insensitive, but also in part because I know I have uttered similar insensitive words over the years.
Toxic positivity is “the PRESSURE (emphasis mine) to maintain a positive mindset, even in the face of difficult or negative emotions and experiences.”
Read that definition again. Doesn’t it sound exhausting? I am mostly optimistic, a peacemaker at heart, someone who is uncomfortable with grief, mine and others, and I do generally try to “look for the helpers” as Mr. Rogers puts it. Most of the time there is nothing wrong with this.
Positivity becomes toxic when it diminishes true feelings and difficult circumstances in favor of feeling pressured to put on a good front so others will think you are a good person, or in my case a good Christian person. I have tried this many times (especially as a pastor’s spouse). It doesn’t work. I have felt guilty when my faith doesn’t measure up to what others expect of me. I have felt like I wouldn’t be in so much pain if my faith were just a little bit stronger. I have felt that life would be easier if I just prayed more, read my bible more, studied more, listened better, etc.
Here is some unhelpful advice for troubled times. God won’t give you more than you can handle. (Um … wrong!)
