Gathering
Have you heard the term “third place”? I hadn’t until recently. It was first used in the 1990’s with home being the “first place” and work being the “second place.” One of the consequences of the pandemic lockdown is the loss of that third place and loneliness has become its own sort of pandemic.
It is essential to our wellbeing that we find a place outside of home/school/work where we choose to be rather than where we have to be. It is usually a place that creates space where people from all different backgrounds gather. For introverts (like me) it can get kind of tricky, but the articles I read said that a third place can be a spot where you can find solitude, but are not alone. Some of my favorite places tend to be museums, the farmers market, movie theaters, the library, and cozy coffee shops (where I drink lemonade). I am able to interact with others at my own pace or just benefit from being out in the community. I use to be a part of a regular swim class where people knew my name and missed me when I wasn’t there. The articles I read also mentioned places like special interest groups (book clubs, garden clubs, sports), community organizations, volunteer work, a dog park, sitting on the front porch with some friends, and places of worship.
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 I think one of the contributors to an increased loneliness is the move away from spiritual places. As long as my husband and I have been in ministry (30ish plus years) people have been lamenting the “good ole days” of church where everyone gathered together in their Sunday best for an hour a week and sang some hymns, said some prayers, and listened to a lesson or a lecture depending on who the preacher was. Churches were spaces where you were known and cared for and seen. Sadly, the good ole days of church weren’t as good as the memories. Some were (and sadly some still are) places of spiritual, emotional, and even physical abuse causing a lot of people to leave the church or never trust spiritual places again.
I am sitting here not knowing what to write next because I don’t have any answers. I have experienced the joy and healing of being connected to a community of faith, but I have also experienced the utter loneliness and despair of being in a church that is no longer safe or welcoming. I understand the need to stay and the need to leave. For myself, I’m glad I have stayed. I have been challenged and have grown through my different faith experiences and I have learned that by staying I have found others who feel like I do. I will continue to gather in these holy spaces so that I can help “spur one another toward love and good deeds” and maybe, just maybe, others will want to know more about God through a community built on trust, grace, and love.
Becky Long
Becky Long is the partner, in ministry and in life, of Pastor Don Long Jr. of Wesley United Methodist Church.
