To the Editor
That is currently a popular sentiment in the United States of America. Most agree there is an increase in hatred, division, and violence. Most agree that something has to change to reunite us. Few agree on what to change. Changing a ‘thing’ has proven ineffective. Changing laws, rules, or objects has only increased the discord. People find loopholes, totally ignore, or use different methods to accomplish their goals. One of the most divisive times in our history was the prohibition of alcohol in the 1920’s. Those efforts succeeded only in increasing crime. People became extremely creative in how to obtain their drink and make money from it. Even more divisive was the matter of slavery. The issues of personhood, citizenship, and individual rights erupted into civil war. One hundred and sixty years later, those issues are still alive, still divisive.
Changing something external does not change people. Some ‘one’ has to change. What most mean by someone has to change is that someone else has to change. At the core of the conflict is the belief that my individual rights are more important than yours; that I am right and you are wrong. That belief is accompanied with the idea that having differing beliefs makes us enemies. Viewing others as an enemy makes it easy to dehumanize them. Dehumanizing them enables the hatred and violence. A mild version of this concept occurs in discourse. I have the right of free speech; but if you disagree with me, I will take away your right of free speech. You must change or I will make you change. The clash is set when both sides take this position.
I am in agreement that change is necessary. Changing a ‘thing’ does not change people. Expecting others to change results in increased resentment and hatred when they don’t change. What has to change? “I” have to change! I have to change my perspective. I have to change my goals. I have to change how I see and relate to the other person. I have to accept they have the same rights I do. I have to work with them towards a higher purpose than my own selfish desires. I have to appreciate the uniqueness of us both. There is unity in our differences. We can accomplish more together than alone. Our sum is greater than our parts. I must value and respect you; your personhood, your strengths, your rights. Change starts with me! When each person enacts that belief, then together we can change the world. It must be mutual. It starts with me and continues with you. Instead of saying ‘something’ must change; instead of saying ‘you’ must change; ask yourself “What am I willing to change?” William L. Syrcle Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor Synago, LLC, Macomb, IL
